Would You Like Red or Green on That?

(Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons)

I'm praying for World War Three to start. Hopefully the sooner the better. A huge nuclear holocaust, of epic proportions. The bigger the better. Well, at least big enough to give good reason for the Russians to drop the big one on little old Albuquerque, New Mexico.

They (the Russians) thought they had good reason to, back in the days of the Cold War. Albuquerque was the location of Sandia and Monzano Bases, now part of Kirtland Air Force Base. It includes Sandia National Laboratory, an offshoot from Los Alamos after WWII, whose main mission remains the engineering of the nation's nuclear stockpile. After the war, and before the nuclear weapons complex was built up to its eventual large-scale industrial size, Sandia Base was the location of the manufacture of the nations' early A-bomb arsenal. An important target then, and remains so today; of strategic importance for an enemy to include on its target list.

But I really don't care what reason they might have to drop a hefty thermonuclear weapon here, just that they do it. Sure, lots of innocent people will die. Some less innocent than others, however. After all, you have to break a few eggs to make an omelette.

There's a scene from the first Star Wars movie. Obi-Wan, Luke and Han are gazing down on the outpost of Mos Eisley, when Obi-Wan says "You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy". They could have been gazing down at Albuquerque from atop Sandia Peak, the meaning would remain the same. Or take another reference from a tale much older than Star Wars, that of the evil cities of Sodom and Gomorrah, who also were destroyed by fire from above.

There's something monumental about the idea of a place whose people are so evil that the very name becomes condemned for all of human history.

People I know personally, family members, have suffered over the years because of the evil of this place. Once again it happened - is happening now - because an aggressive, road-raged driver purposefully and methodically ran my grandson off the highway last night. He was thrown from the car, it rolled and rolled, and landed atop him. He's suffering a severe concussion and potential brain injury. He has a lacerated kidney, a destroyed shoulder, is missing part of his tongue, and has plenty of road rash. He was due to graduate high school in a month. A passenger in his car was also seriously injured. His life, and ours, won't be the same.

Of course, the driver of the other car got away with it. Again. Hey, this is Albuquerque. Things happen. Man up. Deal with it, we're told, or be a little whining bitch.

If you're a tourist from out of town, here's a fun, touristy thing to do: make the ghost bicycle tour. This is where you drive around Albuquerque and try to identify all of the ghost bicycle memorials that have been erected at all the various locations where cyclists have been murdered by car drivers. For any of you with latent homicidal tendencies, this is the surest method to get away with murder: run down a cyclist in Albuquerque. Or pedestrian, if no cyclist is available. Guaranteed no prosecution. It's just an accident. And the local "media" will always report the story with this factoid: the cyclist wasn't wearing a helmet. Or the pedestrian must have been "jay walking".

On second thought, scratch that idea. You probably don't want to be a tourist here. Most tourists end up being robbed or car jacked. Best spend your money somewhere else.

Okay, sure I'm upset, but do I have to take it this far? Well, consider this: some places are just "ate up". That's a good old term from my younger days, that you don't hear used that often any more. Ate up, as in consumed. Totally given over. No possibility of redemption.

I'm a spiritual guy, actually; I believe in the power to redeem and restore failed people. But not everyone. Some are too far gone. Like that rabid animal. Just has to be put down. That's little old Albuquerque. Somebody should put her down, for everyone's good. A big flash, brighter than a thousand suns. Boom.

And would you like red or green chile on that?